Pretty Pretty ah

*sigh*

Don't feel that great now. Amath was good although I already made one error which was very careless.

Chem felt weird. I don't know Section B... I just... It's pissing cause a lot of the chapters I focused on in prelims and what not, came out as the easy questions in Section A. And then..sigh. I don't know, I've just got marks minused here and there already. Maybe 5-8? I don't know. Kinda messed up English too, had a few spelling errors that I saw but didn't have time to change. Various things in math that I wish didn't happen also popped up that kinda pisses me off. I mean, I'm just afraid that I don't get my 6 points.

Call me paranoid, call me Ms. Over-worry. But I'm the kind of person that does better when the paper is difficult. When its easier, I'll make mistakes that most people don't make. And its just..scary.

Then the soul searching part comes- Should I not just be entrusting everything to God? I've been praying a lot recently, yes, exams are a spiritual time. yet, after each paper ends, doubts always creep into my heart. 1 week has passed, and there's still 2 more. Seems endless, And I'm worried all the same as I was just yesterday, the day before..... and..

God listens. I know he does. He's been giving me peace these past few days. But doubt keeps creeping back in once in a while. And its difficult. Difficult to keep the faith that REGARDLESS OF THE RESULTS, its all part of HIS PLAN. I've worked hard for the past..1..okay maybe 2, okay forget it, I admit-10 years. (yes i've been a mugger since p1). So i worry. Worry that I wont get 6 A1s. But somehow, I must TRUST that He knows what He is doing. He knows what I need.

It feels pretty damn bad when you feel like you ain't that smart after all and when you feel lousier because you know you're doubting God.

I love God, I love Him so much. I know it now greater than I ever did before, because I just like reading His word over and over again. I just like singing his songs. It's like He's here watching all the time. And yet I still fail to follow and keep the faith.

its gonna be another mad weekend of studying and rushing out geog, physics and history. this O' Levels means a damn hell a lot to me. And honestly? I feel pretty much a failure already, as in not literally. Just dissapointed with the mistakes I make. For all the hard work I and my teachers have put in, and I do.. WHAT?!?

"But then a hero comes along..with the strength to carry on.." That's from the song, "Hero" By Mariah Carey. I want my hero to be Jesus. To bring me through.

I need to put my faith in God, that WHATEVER happens, there is a reason. And at the end of the day, all these things don't matter.

The Question is how far will I go into His Love? how far will I throw my worries upon him?

Pslams 48:14
"For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."

I just have to trust because He's right here with His arms wide open, just waiting.