Set Me Free, by Casting Crowns

It hasn't always been this way
I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came
Stole my mind
Wrapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead
Fighting voices in my head
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night
And carries me away

Set me free of the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free

Morning breaks another day
Finds me crying in the rain
All alone with my demons I am
Who is this man that comes my way?
The dark ones shriek
They scream His name
Is this the One they say will set the captives free?
Jesus, rescue me

As the God man passes by
He looks straight through my eyes
And darkness cannot hide

Do you want to be free?
Lift your chains
I hold the key
All power on Heav'n and Earth belong to me

You are free
You are free
You are free




-At this point, during my study break, i have to say I don't think I'm being tortured enough to see that these are "Dark days". As long as I have a normal life in Singapore, I'm not being tortured cause there's people just struggling out there just to survive.

BUT, it's been difficult. Difficult to put a finger on it, but I feel strongly I'm getting complacent. And the problem is, I can't seem to drag myself back into it. More than just losing a momentum, or just bieng lazy. It's like concentration, that characteristic determination of my soul no longer exists. Worse still, it's like I no longer put my God first. It's not "Jesus take it all" anymore. Terrible, really.

This is supposed to be my intensive study period, come on i have less than 2 weeks. But I feel so relaxed, and then that cursed feeling is replaced by apprehension because I'm wondering WHY AM I RELAXED. I know there's work to be done. I know I know. But when i sit down, it's like all that's left is a residue of that initial determination, that competitiveness in my character.

I hate this. The world can be bums, but why me? i don't want to be a potato couch.I haven't watched TV in 2 weeks, but wasting my time on other things is just as good. Worse still, I actually sit down and study, but end up day dreaming.

IT's really relaly really really really frustrating. NO boasting, but it's not a secret I'm expected to get 6As, or 8 for that matter. The world puts that expectation on me, I myself too. Why? simply because I have a potential to do it, because if I put my heart on the task, I can get it.

But then, when i re read this paragraph, i realised the damn problem. GOD

NO he is NOT THE PROBLEM. but the thing is, where have I fitted in God in all my plans? I always plan things, and then I ask God to bless my plans..and some more bullshit. When do I ever sit down and look and God and say, God, i'm doing this for you. I want to please you. I want to glorify name. and so God, ust take my plans, do what you want with them!


"Cause when I'm weak, You make me strong
When I'm blind, You shine Your light on me
Cause I'll never get by living on my own ability
How refreshing to know You don't need me
How amazing to find that you want me
So I'll stand on Your truth, and I'll fight with Your strength
Until You bring the victory, by the power of Christ in me"

This song is playing in my ears now, literally. In my iPod. i know if I don't let God back into this, my life, i may just very screw up the exams and my life thereafter.

I need my Freiheit in God.